Growing up, I was lucky enough to never have to experience the pain of losing someone. However, even though I was an adult when I lost one of the most important people in my life, I felt like I became a child again who lost her Daddy. I can never explain the grief you feel when you lose your Dad. Especially me being a MAJOR Daddy’s girl.
Today’s post is dedicated to my Daddy. It will be four years this October that he has passed away and today he would have been 63 years old. It’s not easy to write about him without me turning into a snot face behind the screen. I want to share a few highlights about who he was.
My Dad was the greatest man a girl can have in their life growing up. He’s the one who showed me what to look for in a man and not to settle for anything less. Growing up we went through ALOT and I mean ALOT of rough times. From not having enough money to almost losing our place to having our car repossessed but you know what; he never gave up. He never let us know that there was a struggle and no matter how much of a rough time he was going through, we always had the best childhood. We always had food, we always got to go on every school trip and almost anything (within reason) we wanted we got.
Aside from all the struggles, nobody on the outside would know what was happening. He always greeted everyone with a warm welcome and you were not leaving that house until you ate something. We couldn’t always get the best thing out there type of gifts or go to restaurants very often for our birthdays so his gift to us was that he would cook whatever we wanted and he would make it happen. No matter how tired from work he was, we were getting the best meal for our special day. And let me tell you, he was an AMAZING cook. Something I wish I took on lol…but he had a way of making something out of nothing. He eventually took on the name the “Dancing Chef” because every time he cooked he needed his music to be loud and so that he can just dance away.
Some people may say “Wow, you were poor” or “Man you went through some rough times”. Yes we did and no it was not easy but guess what? We were happy because our parents made sure of it.
He never gave up on us and was one of the hardest working people I’ve ever known. Everyone has always told me that I am my mom’s twin but my personality is all my Dad. My Dad and I had this insane bond and we were so close. He eventually got sick and as time went by the sickness got worse and worse. There was a time he was making trips to the hospital monthly because of all the problems and complications he had.
In September 2015, my Dad entered the hospital in what I knew in my heart was going to be the last time. It’s not that I gave up on him. I knew he was tired of fighting and battling. I knew that when we went through those doors, he was not coming back out this time. About a month later, 3 days after my daughter’s first birthday on October 10, my daddy took his last breath at 6:44pm. I felt like my whole world came crashing down. It’s so hard to lose someone you love and it’s even harder when a girl loses her Dad.
Everyone tells me to hold on to the memories and blah blah blah. Yes I’m glad I have memories and I was able to have the time with him that I did but what no one realizes is that I just want to feel the way I want to feel sometimes without hearing the “buts”. I was never able to feel angry or sad or depressed because right away I had to get everything in order. I had to get the word out. I had to call the family members and be the one to console people. I was the one who basically put all the funeral plans together. I did not get my moment to grieve.
The only thing that pulls me all together is that my Dad is not suffering anymore. He is free from all pain and that makes me happy. I miss him every single day and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. Happy Birthday Daddy!
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